Reviews Of The Top Rated Vacuum & Electric Penis Pumps For Men 2018

we’ve become about as popular these days as the products we review, but it’s blessing and a curse. Everyone we know wants the inside scoop on the best penis pumps on the market. Apparently, our career choice leads everybody to believe we know where the good shit is; and indeed, we do. Our expertise in the sex toy and couple’s therapy arena is undeniable. In other words, we know a thing or two about everything, including penis pumps.

Yes, our professionally perverted asses have dabbled in the arts of penis enhancement for many years. It’s sort of like how a pro race car driver might pimp out his car because that’s his career. Fucking is life, wouldn’t you agree? So, we want to show up to the race with the best car on the track. That means spending a bunch of time testing out the various penis pumps that flood the modern market.

We could leave our readers helpless, searching willy-nilly online for a pump that offers halfway satisfying results. Most of the time, however, those guys wind up ripped off and pissed off. Consider us the spokesmen for the contemporary cock, the heroes of humping. We know that even large and in-charge dudes could stand a penis pick-me-up, but since the demand for pumps is so heavy we often find disreputable merchants pushing products that are disappointing at best. That shit ends now.

Why Is It Important to Shop Around, Read Our Reviews & Look For The Best Penis Pump On The Market?

The majority of people are not like us; they have not tested every penis pump on the market for a paycheck. The average Joe uses information given by the seller to make a buying decision. That crap is dangerous, especially considering how most merchants are completely full of shit. Knowing what makes a good dick stretcher is your first job. The rest is a matter of personal preference.

Remember, not all penis pumps are created equally. Cost is not always an indication of quality, and even high-end brands and churn out shitty products every now and then. Using due diligence can help you reach your growth goals, and it can save you some money and embarrassment too. We learned all that the hard way, which is why we want to share our knowledge with you. Our handy dandy penis pump buying guide should give you a good place to start.

Keys to Consider before Buying a Penis Pump

• Effectiveness – Above all else, nobody wants to spend money on a tool that does nothing. What the hell is the point in that? Double check that your pump of choice has worked for other people before you spend a single cent on it. Start with customer reviews but don’t stop there. They all promise amazing results, and some even pay people to write rave reviews. Don’t be a sucker.
• Size – Although pumps are innately designed to help guys grow bigger dicks, even dudes with fat cocks want to make improvements on occasion. Make sure the size of the chamber will accommodate your unique girth or else you’ll be awkwardly returning it for something else.
• Scientific Research – One of the best ways to determine if a penis pump is worth its weight: the scientific data backing its design. Not all products on the market have this, unfortunately. However, it makes shopping for the best pumps easier than ever. You might have hated school, but now is the time to do your homework. Is your favorite penis pump made using industry standard techniques or should you reconsider your options?
• Durability – Good things come in all shapes and sizes. It’s the durability of the tool that matters most. Considering many penis pumps must be used for several weeks before optimal results are reached, you’ll want to be sure you purchase something that’s in it to win it. Silicone, polyurethane, and resin are terrific materials; go with that.
• Materials – Speaking of silicone and all that, the materials used to make the penis pump matter more than you think. Skin-safe products prevent chaffing, and that’s important for a device that is sometimes worn for hours at a time. Think about it guys; this is your dick we’re talking about.
• Discretion – Unless you’re a socially awkward fuck, letting people know that you use a penis pump is one of the last things you want. It doesn’t matter if its medical or cosmetic, you probably want to keep that shit to yourself. So, opt for a product that comes with a carrying case or, at the very least, a box big enough to double as a storage unit.
• User Friendliness – Some of today’s most effective penis pumps would be so much better if they weren’t so damn difficult to use. Strapping on a pump shouldn’t feel like a high school science project. Search for a tool that’s user friendly unless, of course, you have a degree in engineering. Then by all means, use the complicated contraptions. We don’t give a shit.
• Appearance – They say looks aren’t everything, but tell that to the last person who looked at your tiny dick. We’ll bet they didn’t expect much. Appearances can be deceiving; keep that in mind. Although a pump looks complicated or even (gasp) hideous, it may be the best option on the market. Don’t be so fucking vain, you desperate assholes.
• Cost – At the end of the day, price is something that matters to us all. We are not members of the Rockefeller family, we’ve got bills. Boosting our penile prowess is super exciting and very important, but so is having heat and lights. Spending too much on a pump is ridiculous unless, of course, it’s a miracle machine. Then, we might consider refinancing our house if the shit really works.

Putting Your Penis Pumps to the Test

Run your favorite penis pumps through the gamut to see if they passe the test.We most certainly have, and that’s why we have an opinion on just about every one of them. At this point, you can’t tell us anything we don’t already know. Experts we are, and experts you will be by the time we’re done with you.

Once you get yours, there are various techniques for using penis pumps, so make sure you learn from the experts.

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